He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
