A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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