can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
