WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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