I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize