So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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