Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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