she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pants are for mortals
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
