After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
