have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
