we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
