Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
time to smoke my breakfast
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
