I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
