There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
