??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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