I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize