I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
