This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
