I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
