Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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