I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
