Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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