Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love you.
Bad choice
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
