Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
