Do you still have your period?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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