i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
