i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
