Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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