Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
