apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
