I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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