i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
