batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
