How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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