he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
