Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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