Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
