Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
