I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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