You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
