By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
