i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
