That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
