the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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