ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
