I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
