She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
