Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
