It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
