What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
