what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
