I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
