i would punch a child for taco bell
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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