so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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