You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
