the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
