is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
