thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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