you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
