I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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