I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
