Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
