just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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