You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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