drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
