oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
