After last night, I could never be a politician.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
