i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
