Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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