I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
