Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you win again, gameday.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
