Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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