oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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